


Hazel

by mcrhomo



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Grieving, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-07-19 19:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19979149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcrhomo/pseuds/mcrhomo
Summary: When Frank disappears in the night, Gerard knows exactly where to find him. Frank, in his grief, thinks everything that caused his life to tumble down a month ago was his fault. Gerard has to prove otherwise. Afterwards, Gerard does everything he can to make sure Frank reaches his recovery.





	1. late nights.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Frank disappears into the night, Gerard knows exactly where to find him. When he reaches his destination, he finds that Frank thinks everything that caused his life to tumble down a month ago was his fault. Gerard has to prove otherwise.

Gerard raised his tired eyes to the empty space next to him on the bed, where his lover should be. He changed from his “badass” (as he likes to call them) pajamas, into a t-shirt and black skinny jeans, and pulled his boots on. He knew exactly where Frank was.

The sun was just rising outside of their little studio apartment in Newark, the sky was filled with reds and oranges and yellows and...a little bit of green? Close to the horizon. Maybe that was just G’s imagination, or maybe the sky was reflecting the green leaves on the trees in the distance. It was a wicked sunrise, and it reminded Gerard of Frank. Beautiful, but...distant, in a way. It wasn’t like Frank was some aloof weirdo, that’s not what Gerard was thinking. There were just so many secrets held in that boy’s brain, his head was about to explode. Gerard could tell.

Frank didn’t talk much after his mom died. It had been nearly a month, but Frank was still hurting. It was still fresh. He was so grief ridden. He tried to stay tough, to hide the fact that he cried every night. He wasn’t fooling anyone. Gerard could tell the real smiles from the “I just got out of the bathroom with the water running so you couldn’t hear me sob” smiles. His heart was broken for Frank. He missed the old Frank, the one who used to lay his head on Gerard’s shoulder while they sat in their kitchen barstools crowded around the window and watched freight trains rumble and whistle their way down the tracks. The Frank who would watch intently as Gerard drew his comics and point out little things he liked. The Frank who would visibly melt whenever Gerard called him “baby” or “darling”. 

Gerard descended the steps and walked through the city streets. There were many cars, but still fewer than there would be in the daytime. The city was sleeping. Now, the criminals, good and bad, ruled the streets. He didn’t worry, though. The worst that could happen would be for him to get mugged. He wasn’t carrying any money on him.

He made it about a quarter mile, to the Airaina Sushi Grill. It was a quaint little building with a neon sign that advertised the restaurant’s name in both Japanese and English. He saw a figure atop the roof.

It was still very dark, so every time a car drove by with its headlights on, he saw the light quickly come over Frank’s face. Then it was dark again. 

Frank was sitting indian style on the surface of the flat roof with one of Gerard’s favorite jackets draped over his shoulders. He noticed his lover come up the ladder. 

“It smells like you.” he mumbled.

“What?” Gerard said, softly, as if he were to wake someone if he said it any louder.

“The jacket. It smells like you.”

“Frank.”

“Yeah?”

“It's ...hurting me to see you like this, but...I know it’s hurting you more to be like this in the first place.”

“I don’t...I don’t feel anything. Nothing at all.”

“Really? There must be something going on with you, baby, I-”

Frank angrily interrupted. “You wanna, know, Gerard? There is something going on. There’s a lot going on. She didn’t have to die, Gerard! She didn’t deserve to die! I could’ve stopped it! I could’ve fucking stopped it! I didn’t want her to stay the night at our place, that’s why she was on the road at that time and that’s why that truck swerved into her car! It’s MY FAULT, Gerard!”

“Don’t sa-”

“Don’t tell me not to say that! You know it’s true!” Tears were streaming down his face and he tried to smile. “I loved my mom, man. Still do, even if she’s not here to love me back. She didn’t get to see her grandkids! All my mom wanted was a little girl to spoil! But instead she got me, a little piece of shit boy that killed her before she even retired!”

His breath shook. “There are three worst parts of my day. One is 3:34 AM. That’s when I got the call from my uncle. That’s why I leave at that time almost every night. That’s why I come here. The others are both 11:11. AM and PM. Because I make the same wish every time, and it never comes true.

“You wanna know that wish, Gerard? To get a hug from my mom. For her to magically appear and come visit us again. And I would let her stay over this time.”

Gerard sat next to Frank, and Frank nestled his head into G’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time.

“It wasn’t your fault. It was that truck driver’s fault. He...he should’ve been more careful on the road.”

The smaller man cried into his lover’s shoulder for a long time. 

“How does this sound?” Gerard said. “We’re gonna go contact a therapist. I think the one I talked to for my addiction does grief therapy too. And you’re gonna talk to her. And you’re gonna talk to me. And you’re gonna get better. I promise.”

“Gerard. I’m so...angry. All the time. At myself. And I think about hurting myself. To get a little bit of revenge. For her. No amount of whatever therapist talking to me will fix that.”

“It may not be fixed, angel. But it’ll get better. Grief never leaves. Grief is...there. Forever. There will always be that little bit of anger at yourself, at the universe, and that driver. But that’s just how it is. ‘Better’ doesn’t mean ‘fixed’”

“I sure do hope I get better. You’re making it better, just by doing this.”

“I love you, Frank.”

“I love you too, G.” 


	2. the school.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard goes into his job as a school teacher, reminisces about what his friends said after the incident, and helps out a friend in danger.

Gerard brought Frank home and they went to bed. Gerard put his arm over Frank, and Frank grabbed hold of it and fell into a deep slumber. He was very tired, all the time, he just wouldn’t admit it. Grief, and the depression that comes with it, exhausts you. 

Gerard tried to sleep, he really did, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Frank had said about...hurting himself. It disturbed him. Gerard knew all the scars on Frank’s body all too well, but those were from a long time ago, when they were teenagers. He wasn’t going to pry Frank about whether or not he had any new ones, he knew the harm that can do, and the embarrassment. He really hoped Frank wasn’t hurting himself in any way.

He knew all sorts of ways to self-harm, and ways to hide it. Back when he was younger, he used to starve himself because he liked the pain of the hunger it gave him. That’s why he made sure Frank ate on a regular basis.

Deciding not to think anymore, he snuggled his face into Frank’s neck. He slept, maybe not as soundly as he could’ve, but it was still three hours of unbroken sleep, until eight AM, when he had to go to work. 

Legally, Frank had three months of grieving time away from his job, but it was unpaid, so Gerard had to borrow some money from friends and relatives to accommodate that. 

Gerard was the teacher of a high school art class. He loved his students, even the ones that disrespected him. He didn’t see it as disrespect, though, more like an act of independence. He only wrote referrals if another student was being harmed. He pitied the students who followed every direction he gave. Art was about creativity, and creativity is about independence, and you can’t have independence if you’re following every move your art teacher makes.

He had some really great students that he considered his friends. The other teachers thought that was weird, but he would rather be friends with a seventeen year old than a seventy year old. His friends were seniors, and he was one of the younger teachers, so it’s like he “got” them. That’s what they said, at least. Gerard presumed that meant he understood them.

He remembered the first day he came to work after Linda died. The young teacher missed work for a good four days after Frank’s mom died, and when he came back that Friday, his group congregated in his classroom after school like they always do when he’s there. 

Bailey, the girl with the buzzcut and nose ring, came in first. “Feeling better, Gerard?” They were instructed to never call him by his first name when class is going on, as to not make the rest of the class jealous. During school hours, his name is Mr. Way.

He sighed. “It’s not...it’s not that.”

Slowly but surely, the rest of the group came in. Grey and Carter, who were dating, came in holding hands. Then Anthony, then Evie. 

Grey sat on the counter in the back of the small room. “So, G,” they said, “What’s been going on? Stomach bug?”

“It’s...Frank. He hasn’t been doing too well. And he has every right to, and I want to be there to make him feel better, but I can’t cause I can’t use up all my vacation days. It’s only October, after all.”

Evie’s eyes widened. “Cancer?”

Gerard let out a sharp breath. “No,” his shoulders slumped. “His mom died.”

“Oh!” they all said in unison.

Anthony mumbled. “Tell him I’m praying for him.” 

Frank was an atheist, as was Gerard, but the thought of someone who believed praying for him had ought to make his day a little bit better. 

“I will. He was really close with his mom, and he’s….he’s worrying me.”

\------

As Gerard walked into the school, he was greeted by tired faces of students who probably stayed up on the internet all night. He saw Bailey, and smiled at her as she walked by. She grinned and said hi. Evie was sitting around the water fountain with her friends as she pulled out a deck of tarot cards. “Hey, G! Wanna do a tarot reading?” 

“No thanks, I gotta get to my classroom. After school?”

“Sure!”

He heard mumbles from her friends as he walked past, things like “why do you hang out with that old man” and “why do you spend time with him after school instead of us.” Gerard shook the comments off. He didn’t care what some kid thought of him.

He figured Grey was trying to get to his classroom, because they were currently being held against the wall next to it by the neck, at the hands of the school asshole, Ethan. 

Ethan slapped Grey in the face. “There’s two fucking genders, you psycho. I bet you wanna cut your dick off, too.”

“Please-” Grey said, before getting slapped again.

“I’m never gonna call you “they.” You have a dick, I’m gonna call you “he.” Is your boyfriend a tranny too?”

Gerard moved very fast and grabbed Ethan by his collar. He slammed him to the ground, furious. He put his foot on Ethan’s chest before he could get up. 

“You call Grey a boy again, you say the word “tranny” ever again, you fucking  _ touch _ them ever again and you’re out of this fucking school. I mean it.”

Ethan looked angry. “Let me up.” 

“Not until you promise.”

“Fine. I’ll leave.. _ them _ ...alone. Now let me up, please.”

Gerard took his foot off of Ethan and grabbed him before he could go. “ _ Don’t  _ find another target either.” He let go.

Grey hugged Gerard tight, and ran off to his first hour class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe i know this might not be the direction you guys wanted to be taken with this but i promise you'll get more frank/gerard content soon :)


	3. the comic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard assigns his students a new class project. Meanwhile, Frank is painting a warning sign.

Frank sat in the bathroom for a very long time. They had a little stool that Gerard could do his makeup in front of the mirror. That’s what Frank was sitting on. He looked in the mirror, barely moving. 

He thought that the day his mom died would be in twenty, thirty years. And that it would be the fault of natural causes, some sickness or something. No, instead she impaled herself on a windshield at 45. Because she was out late at night. Because she was driving home. Because Frank didn’t want her to sleep at his home for the night. 

He looked in the mirror some more. He wasn’t sure if he was even breathing. Did he want to breathe? 

He felt like he had a disgusting sign on his forehead. The kind everyone could see. The kind that marked killers.

He shakily moved his hand over to Gerard’s favorite red eyeliner. Frank didn’t think you could even get red eyeliner, but what did he know about makeup? Taking the waxy pencil and made the precaution so that everyone would know. Moving from right to left, writing backwards so others could see, Frank gently outlined what he and everyone else knew he was. 

When he was done, he set Gerard’s eyeliner pencil down gently, so as not to break it. He cared about Gerard’s things. 

The mirror image spelled it out backwards, but Frank knew what it said.

“MURDERER.”

\---

Gerard was still at work, so he had no idea any of this was happening. He texted Frank on his lunch break.

**sent:** hey baby! how are you? did you sleep well?

**frankie:** i slept fine. im fine. stop worrying about me, please.

**sent:** okay. ill stop bothering you.

He kept worrying about him. So much so, even, that he zoned out thinking about it and missed the first five minutes of class, which you definitely shouldn’t do if you’re a teacher.

It was one of the two hours that had none of his friends in it, so he was jolted by one of the school’s football players who probably took the class because it was the easiest of all the electives, saying obnoxiously loud (although, it was probably so that Gerard could hear him), “Do you think Mr. Way is gay?” to one of his friends. 

“Yes.” Gerard said quietly.

“What?” the boy mumbled, stunned.

“I have a boyfriend. His name is Frank, and he’s the love of my life. And recently-”

Gerard stood up and moved to the whiteboard. He started sketching with a dry erase marker.

“-he has been going through a lot.” None of the students could see what their teacher was drawing because he was covering the whiteboard. 

When he finally revealed what he was drawing, it was a portrait of a man, Frank, staring at a floppy, cardboard knife in his hands. A speech bubble was on the left side of Frank. “I’ve killed her,” it said.

“The school board requires we do one class project for each semester, and the semester is coming to a close. You are all going to illustrate and color a page of a comic book, based on a story I give you. Each of my classes does a different issue. It shouldn’t be too hard. It’ll be interesting.”

The class had mixed reactions. 

Gerard went back to the whiteboard and erased Frank. You will do the first issue. Your story is, man doesn’t want his parents to stay the night with his significant other and he. His parents are killed on the way back to their home by a mysterious masked killer. Somehow the man gets caught at the scene and gets accused of the crime, but he and his significant other have to prove who the real killer was.”

A girl in the class started. “Wow, that sounds-” 

“Cheesy.” The football boy interrupted. 

“It may be more real than you think.” Gerard said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe angsty huh?! im rly manic rn so im sorry if this doesnt make any sense but i felt the need to write! gerard being a good caring bf and stuff...luv that


	4. good.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard acknowledges the sign and helps Frank to convince himself to take it off. They share little moments, like they used to.

When Gerard arrived home, he was glad to see that Frank was moving around the house. He had his back turned to Gerard, sitting at the kitchen barstool with a cup of...something. It was empty now.

“Hello, darling.” Gerard said, wrapping his arms around Frank’s shoulders. 

Frank turned around, and Gerard’s smile immediately melted off. 

Frank didn’t acknowledge it. He asked Gerard how his day was. 

“Frank.”

“Yes, dear?”

“Why did you…?” he gestured to his forehead.

“What?”

“Frank, I’m not stupid, I know you wrote “MURDERER” on your forehead. Why exactly did you decide to do that? It wasn’t your fault, Frank. It was a huge accident, baby, you need to not be so hard on yourself-”

“I’m hard on myself...because I killed her. It was my fault.”

Gerard was wetting a paper towel in the kitchen sink. He began to move it towards Frank’s forehead.

Frank screamed. “NO!”

Gerard was shocked. That was the first time Frank had yelled in a month. “Oh-okay.” he said.

Frank’s shoulders dropped. “I-I didn’t mean to scream at you like that. I just…”

“Honey-”

“I think everyone should know.”

\---

Frank was laying in the couple’s bed, staring at the wall in front of him. Gerard was in the bathroom, he grabbed his bag of makeup wipes and promptly walked into their bedroom. 

“Frank.”

Frank sat up. “Yes, Gerard?”

Gerard spoke carefully, so as not to stumble over words or say the wrong thing.

“I think...that it would be...a...good idea...to wash the, uh, the  _ sign _ off.”

“But it’s what I am.”

“Frank. You’re not a murderer. You know what makes you not a murderer? The fact that...that you didn’t mean to do it. You didn’t kill your mother, but even if you did, you wouldn’t be a murderer. And even if it was your fault, I think she would still...forgive you.”

Frank cried again, but this time he had the courage to do it in front of his boyfriend. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He rubbed at the red eyeliner on his forehead, but Gerard grabbed his arms.

“You’re just rubbing it into your skin. It’ll look like you got a sunburn. Here.” He handed Frank the wipes.

Frank grabbed a wipe, and Gerard pressed his fingertips to Frank’s hand while they both moved it over his skin. Frank was still crying.

When they got every trace of the red waxy eyeliner off of Frank’s face, Gerard kissed him on his forehead where the sign was, and wiped at the tears on Frank’s cheeks.

“It’ll be okay. I promise. I know you feel like absolute shit right now, but it’ll get better. I know it will. Your therapy appointment is next week.”

“That’s good.” Frank whispered.

“You know what? That  _ is  _ good, Frank. I’m gonna point out more good things. Maybe you’ll start to notice them more, like you did before.”

He laid down in bed next to Frank and Frank slid down so he was laying too, facing Gerard.

“You know what was good, Frank?”

“What?” Frank said softly.

“Last night, when I found you on the roof? When I walked out of our apartment, I was met with the most beautiful sunrise I’ve ever seen. It was red and orange and yellow and there was a little bit of green too. Although, it  _ was  _ four AM and I was tired out of my mind. The green may have been my imagination. I like to think it was there, though. Anyway, that sunrise reminded me of you. You’re beautiful, inside and out. But it’s like I can never get to you. Just like I can’t get to the clouds.

“I’m not gonna try to get to the clouds, but I am gonna try to get to you. Because I know it’s possible. Can you do your best to bring the sunrise to me?”

“I’ll try.”

Gerard gave Frank another forehead kiss. “That’s perfect, baby. That’s all I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in two days? crazy right! anyway thank you all for reading this fic im really enjoying writing it and im glad you guys are enjoying reading it :)


	5. soup.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple gets soup. Frank notices something that makes him sad again.

Frank nestled his head into Gerard’s chest, but he didn’t cry this time. They stayed in that position because it was comfortable for both of them, but the most likely reason it was comfortable was because they were with each other, and just knowing Frank is within 100 feet of him makes Gerard’s shoulders relax after a long day of yelling at school bullies and the like. Just hearing Gerard’s voice makes Frank excitedly happy whenever he hasn’t heard it for a while. Frank thinks he has a beautiful voice, although Gerard is self conscious because it’s so nasally. 

Gerard broke the silence. “Have you eaten?”

“I don’t think so. All we have in the house is like, ice and cheese.”

“I’m sorry.” Gerard felt bad, because he was so busy with work he couldn’t buy groceries. I can’t even keep my boyfriend fed! He thought.

“It’s okay, baby, I know you’ve been busy.”

“It’s not okay, but we’ll deal with that later. I’ll go shopping this weekend.”

Then Gerard asked a question that he hadn’t been expecting to ask. “Are you okay to like, go out? Do you wanna go get some soup? Some fresh, warm food couldn’t do us any harm.”

“I, uh..” Frank hesitated, then made a decision. “Yeah. Soup would be good.”

They both got out of bed. It was already 7pm. They had lost track of time. Frank pulled on a hoodie that had the name and mascot of Gerard’s place of work on it, his favorite pair of sneakers, and grabbed his phone. It felt weird, because he hadn’t truly gone out since his mom died. Sure, he left the house, but he hadn’t gotten dressed or went inside anywhere. 

The sun was just starting to set, and you could see the faint outlines of stars in the sky. Frank dropped his phone into the pocket of the hoodie and laced his fingers with Gerard’s. They didn’t have a car, so they usually just walked everywhere. Frank looked at the sky, and noticed the beautiful colors. Gerard was right, there was a little bit of green when the sun went up or down. Close to the horizon. 

Frank shivered a little. He didn’t know how Gerard was standing there in a t-shirt and fingerless gloves. 

They walked a little further and made it to the building next to the sushi restaurant whose roof Frank was sitting upon when Frank found him. They both paid a small glance to the ladder leading to the roof. 

The restaurant they were going to was called Pho L’amour. It was the best place to get the Vietnamese soup in all of Newark, and the couple was lucky enough to live within walking distance of it. 

Gerard opened the door and sarcastically bowed. “After you, milady.” 

Frank stopped in the doorway and kissed Gerard. “You’re such a dork.”

After a bad day, hell, a bad month, Frank truly felt happy. 

They went up to the counter, and the owner of the restaurant, a little old Vietnamese lady they only knew as Miss Vo, waved her hands in excitement. “Frank! Gerard! I have not seen you in such a long time!”

She went from behind the counter to where they were standing, and kissed Frank on the cheeks, because one: Frank was the only one whose cheeks she could reach, and even then she could barely do that, and two: she may have a bit of a favoritism problem. 

She lifted Frank’s arms and then wrapped her arms around his waist, examining him. “Frank, you have gotten so skinny! We must put fat on your bones! You are getting the number seven tonight!” 

Frank laughed. “I’m vegetarian, Miss Vo!” He was so used to his and Gerard’s quiet, domestic life that it was quite a change being around someone so loud and exciting. 

They sat down at their favorite table, and Miss Vo didn’t even bother to hand them menus. “Number one and number four? And the springrolls?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Gerard. 

Miss Vo hurried away to the kitchen, came back with their drinks, and hurried away to the kitchen again. 

“You’re right.” Frank said.

“Right? About what?”

“There is a little bit of green in the sunset. Close to the horizon. That sunset was very nice to look at.”

“Yeah!” Gerard said. “I’m glad you’re starting to notice good things again.”

“You know what’s also good?”

“What?”

Frank laced his fingers with Gerard’s over the table. “You.”

It was a very nice moment the two were sharing, but when Frank’s eyes drifted from his lover to the calendar behind him, he felt sick to his stomach. 

Gerard could see it in his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t been keeping track of the days. My birthday is in, like, a week.”

“Why is that bad?”

“Well,” Frank had to look up to stop tears from coming. “She’s not gonna be here.”

“Oh, Frank.”

“And I know it’s not my fault. I know it’s not. But I can’t help but get that feeling sometimes, that...that she wouldn’t be dead if not for me. I can’t help but be angry at myself. I know I didn’t kill her. I know I didn’t. I know I didn’t, I know it.”

In all actuality, he didn’t know he didn’t. He just didn’t want to scare Gerard any more. More so, he was trying to convince himself that he didn’t. But his guilt got the best of him sometimes. And what I mean by sometimes is “all the time.”

“It’s okay to be angry. I…” Gerard trailed off. “I wish I could make things better for you.”

“I know, G. And you’re trying to, and that means the world to me. But that still doesn’t fix what I’m going through. Sometimes when I’m with you, I forget what I lost.  _ Who  _ I lost, to be exact."

“What if we have you a little get together at home for your birthday? I could invite...I don’t know, Mikey, or my friends from work, and you could invite Ray and some other friends...but I don’t know how to make it better.”

“You don’t have to make it better, Gerard. And yeah, that would be nice. I’d love to meet those friends of yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so i was thinking just eventually sometime in the future i could write a small smut scene? just very non graphic bc that stuff makes me very uncomfortable but i wanna get out of my comfort zone a little even if its just an implied nsfw scene? anyway tell me yr thoughts on that


	6. colors.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection on what colors have meant in their life.

“Have you ever seen the sky turn a shade of purple?” Gerard inquired. 

“No,” Frank said. “But I have seen it turn green. I hear from people in the midwest that a green sky means tornado. There were no sirens going off, so I figured it was okay.”

“Purple’s a nice color. It’s like, when you don’t want to commit to the femininity of pink, you can just say your favorite color is purple.”

Nonsense. That’s what they were speaking while laying down in their bed at some ungodly hour of the morning, but it was okay, since the next day was the weekend. 

Colors. Colors were a very large theme in their life. Frank’s favorite color was green, and Gerard’s was red. It was more than that, though. 

When they met, both were in high school. Gerard was talking to Mikey between classes, and said, “that Frank guy? Dude has the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re like a mix of green and brown and-” 

Mikey cut him off. “What are you, gay?” he laughed. It was 2008, after all.

Somehow, word got around that Gerard liked Frank. On the last day of junior year, Frank walked up to Gerard, blushing like a tomato and shaking a little, if he was being honest.

“I think you have pretty eyes, too. They’re not exactly- uh- hmm- I-” He ripped a corner off of one of the inspirational posters in the school hallway and scribbled his number down on it. “Call me.”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Sure!” He noticed Frank’s attention was diverted to a bus pulling up in the driveway of the school. 

“That’s my ride! Gotta go.” He turned away, only to turn back. “By the way, they’re hazel.”

“What?”

“My eyes. Hazel.” He ran off.

The two boys entered senior year as a couple. When they left high school, they made sure to find a college that had both an art program and a medical program, since Frank wanted to be a psychologist. They both found summer jobs to save up for an apartment that they could call their own while they were in college, and not have to deal with dorms. 

Gerard studied for six years, while Frank studied for eight. After Frank got his degree, they moved into an apartment that was bigger, in a safer neighborhood. The one that they live in now. 

One of the nights, soon after they got a bed moved in, they were laying down facing each other when Frank said, “I think I’m ready. Are you ready?” 

“Ready? For what?”

“You know. Sex.”

“Oh...well, I’m ready if you are. Are you sure?”

“I think I am.”

“Okay.” Gerard shifted over to Frank and planted kisses down his neck, his shoulders, his chest. Frank was toying with the hem of Gerard’s shirt, and his hips, and his hands were increasingly wandering. 

The entire experience was very, very awkward. It was the first time for both of them, after all. But it didn’t feel awkward at the time. They explored each other’s bodies for the first time, and it was very meaningful to their relationship. 

Gerard had a hard time going to work the next day where he had to be with high schoolers all day. The talk of hickeys on Mr Way’s neck was all the teacher gossip for months, that was, until Mr Wentz’s thing for pee. 

Colors were noticeable in their relationship, hazel eyes, white sheets, purple hickeys, neon signs that advertised sushi, sunsets with a little bit of green in them. The femininity of pink and green skies meant to warn for tornadoes. 

Colors are what built them and all of us. Colors are what built their romance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa i did it i *dies* ive really wanted to write a smut scene for a long time now, but i guess i like was exposed to thingz in the wrong way n now that stuff kinda scares me? it scared me to write that if im bein honest but i figure the more i write of it the more comfortable i can be with it aha..  
> basically this is just a filler thing 4 when i can finally get my inspiration back and continue the actual story so if youre reading this and havent given up hope i *kisses u* thank u for believing in me it givez me reason to write  
> i only have 2 more dayz till school starts i *combusts* i really dont wanna start school i have executive dysfunction please maam i *pleads*  
> anywhom i hope your day was good, or depending on when youre reading this, i hope it will be!  
> oh also fsr my google docs doesnt think the name mikey is real so while writing this at 1am i thought several times, "his name IS mikey right" smh fake fan


	7. seeing red.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard doesn't get angry, but when you threaten someone he cares about, you have a big mess ahead of you.

That Monday, Gerard woke a little early. Frank was still sound asleep next to him, and he pressed a kiss to the top of his head before he left the room. 

He made a pot of coffee, and dragged a barstool to the window facing the railroad. After he poured himself a cup, he watched the first train out of three to rumble its way down the tracks. 

He remembered when he and Frank would sit here, doing exactly that. He missed that. He missed...Frank. Frank was sleeping in the room behind him, and Gerard knew that, but he wasn’t the Frank Gerard knew and loved. 

That little moment they had while getting soup,  _ that  _ was Frank. Gerard would tear down every calendar in the world if it meant he would get his Frank back. 

The second train was a bit louder than the first, and it made Frank stir in his sleep. He raised his eyes sleepily, and saw Gerard down the hallway watching trains in the window. 

Frank missed that too. He felt like he was such a burden to Gerard. He wished he would just get better. He wished his mom was alive.

He stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed a barstool, scooting it over next to Gerard’s. He wrapped his arms around Gerard’s shoulders and snuggled his face into Gerard’s neck. “I’m cold.” 

“You’re always cold,” Gerard said with a smile. “It could be the middle of July, and you’d still be freezing.”

That was the end of the conversation, until a little while later when Frank mumbled something into his boyfriend’s neck. 

“Hm?” Gerard said.

“I’m sorry.” Frank repeated softly.

“For what, baby?” 

Frank sighed. “For being such a burden. For making you worry about me.”

“Frank.” Gerard said. “If I were never gonna worry about you, why would I be here in the first place?”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Gerard smiled and took another sip of his coffee. 

Eventually, eight o’clock hit, and Gerard had to get ready and leave for work. He was already mostly dressed, all he had to do was apply a little bit of eyeliner and put on his jacket. He never used red eyeliner anymore, not after that...incident. Honestly, he didn’t know why he didn’t just throw it away. 

When he got off the city bus he had to take to get to work, he walked into school and was abruptly interrupted by a freshman girl. 

“Do you know you’re the first openly gay teacher we’ve ever had in this school?”

“Uh-” Gerard shook his head a little, as if he were shaking all the tiredness out. “I really don’t have time for this-”

“I’m with the school press. Do you think an interview could be scheduled for the GSA section of the newspaper?”

“I’ll..” Gerard really didn’t want to, but he didn’t want to let this girl down. “I’ll think about it.”

He usually went to the bathroom before class, but he was slowed down by that girl who wanted an interview, and his classroom wasn’t close to a faculty restroom at all. So he went into the boys’ room. 

He didn’t pay attention to the mirrors at first, but after he got out of the stall and went to wash his hands, his stomach twisted.

Drawn out in sharpie, in messy handwriting, were the words, 

“GREY ALLEN WILL DIE ON HALLOWEEN.” 

He saw red. 

He quickly snapped a picture of it, and then ran out to his classroom to get some hand sanitizer. The school board required every classroom have a bottle of it, though he can’t quite remember why. 

But he wasn’t worried about remembering why. He was thinking about downright murdering the person who wrote that. 

He grabbed a paper towel and soaked it in hand sanitizer. He scrubbed at the mirror until the writing was completely gone. The bell for first period rang. He barely paid any attention to it, because he was storming down the hallway to the office. 

This behavior was completely out of the ordinary. He’s Gerard Way. He doesn’t  _ get  _ angry.

But when somebody hurts, or even threatens to hurt someone he cares about? They’ve got a whole mess ahead of them. 

“Mr Way!” the receptionist at the counter said. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

Gerard cut straight to the point. “Listen,” He put his phone down on the counter with just enough force to make a point. “I think there may be a student in danger.”

The receptionist put on her reading glasses and lifted the phone close to her face, like old people do. “Grey...Allen...will die...on...Halloween?” 

“I think I might have an idea of who wrote this too, I-”

“I don’t think we have a Grey Allen in this school. Is Grey a nickname?”

Gerard took a deep breath. “Is there a Gabriel? A Gabriel Allen in the system?”

She looked up the name on the computer. “Yes! There is.” 

Few people knew Grey’s deadname. Before freshman year, Grey had to talk to their teachers about not saying their deadname during roll call. Luckily, most of the teachers were pretty accepting and they’ve only been known as Grey since. 

They weren’t old enough to get a legal name change, though, so their name was still Gabriel legally. 

Gerard asked the receptionist to go watch his class so he could talk to the principal. She headed that way, and the principal soon invited him into her office. 

She was an older lady, but not too old, named Mrs Campbell. 

“Gerard, I appreciate you being concerned for your students, but I think we all know who Grey Allen is.”

Gerard twitched a little. “What?”

“We all know that the lifestyle he’s living is dangerous. We can’t simply prevent every offense to him and his friends.”

“They.”

“Excuse me?”

“They. Grey goes by they. Not he.”

“Okay. Well, even just going by ‘they,’ Grey is causing a lot of problems with bullying. We can’t prevent someone from not understanding.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs Campbell, but this is not someone not understanding. This is violence. This is a threat. This is someone saying they are gonna be KILLED in five days.”

“I don’t think any of our students would kill anyone, Mr Way-”

“I know one that would. Ethan Coleman. He’s in the same grade as Grey and he has used them as nothing but a target from day one.”

“Ethan Coleman...yes, I know of him. I’ve spoken to his parents before. You can’t help him gaining conservative ideals from them, it’s just not possible.”

“These aren’t just conservative ideals. This is someone that is threatening to kill someone over who they are.”

“Even if this is who Grey is, again, we can’t stop every offense. Grey asked for this.”

Gerard stood up from his chair faster than ever. “Listen to me. I don’t care if you’re in charge. Fire me if you have to.” 

He said in an even lower, more angry voice, through gritted teeth, “Grey did  _ not  _ ask for any of this. They did  _ not  _ ask to make their life harder. They did  _ not  _ ask for death threats and violence or  _ any  _ of this.”

He walked over to the door. “Goodbye, Mrs Campbell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehe im not cis so like writing this was kinda hard idk im stupid....  
> leave a comment if u liked it! i appreciate every single comment you write and they kinda keep me writing if that makez sense...


	8. stalkers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grey remembers their past. Gerard makes an offer.

After school, after his group piled in, Gerard was so lost in thought that he didn’t even notice any of them.

“Gerard?” Carter said. “You okay?”

He snapped out of it. “Uh, yeah, um…” He glanced over at Grey.

“I need to talk to Grey in private, please.”

Out in the hallway, Gerard pulled up the picture on his phone. “Grey, I think you’re in danger.”

“Wh-” Grey looked panicked. “What?”

He showed them the picture. Their face went white. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah.”

Grey’s breaths grew shorter and faster. They tensed up. Gerard knew they were having a panic attack. 

“Hey.” Gerard hesitated, then wrapped his arms around Grey. They were crying now. 

“I don’t have- if whoever wrote that isn’t lying, I don’t have anyone to protect me. Ethan...he knows where I live.”

Grey didn’t have a very reliable family life. Their mom was sick and their dad was in prison for drug possession. They had a job at a grocery store to pay rent and food and stuff. Their life would seem hard for anyone else, but they didn’t have a problem with it. It was what they were used to. 

On top of having to support themself and their mom, they had a serious stalker problem. They carried a pocketknife to ward off Ethan and his gang.

Grey remembers the day their dad was arrested. They were a freshman. Their dad had called them from the police station, to give one final warning.

“Watch your back, Gabriel.” their father said. Grey hadn’t come out to their dad yet, one of their biggest mistakes.

“W-What?” 

“They know you live at Springrail Apartments. They know you live in apartment 1B. They know you sleep in a yellow room. They know you work at a grocery store. They know your mother has rheumatic disease.” 

“Who is...who is they?”

“Dangerous people, Gabe. Make one wrong move, and you may never see light again.”

Shortly after that, they were sitting with their mom. 

She was doped up on fentanyl and pain. “Gabey...where's your father?”

Grey was numb. They didn’t feel anything, except for anger at their dad and maybe a little bit of reasonable paranoia. 

“He’s gone.”

She shifted over to face them and yelped at the pain. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, ma.”

“Where’s he gone to? Gabriel, where’s your father?”

Grey tried to hold themself back. They really did. They had spent the entirety of the last few years thinking, “She can’t help it. She can’t help it. She can’t help it.”

“Mom.” they raised their voice a little. “Dad didn’t care about us. He’s just...he’s just…” They pulled at their hair, shaking from the anger at their father and pain of having to support everyone and the stress of all of it and the feeling that they were breaking. “He’s just a piece of shit that would rather go to jail than support his family! He doesn’t love us, mom!”

“That’s not true, Gabe. He loves us more than you know.”

Weeping, they said, “I know you have to deal with so much pain every day. I know you do. I know it’s hard. But mom, you can’t expect me to keep believing he cares about us!”

They were still shaking. “Mom, he would give you extra fentanyl to make you go to sleep. Just so he could go out to his dealer. He knew that’s a dangerous narcotic. He knew too much could kill you. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything except for his addiction!”

“Gabrie-”

Grey was already at the door. “You already know I go by Grey.” They slammed the door after them.

\------

“Frank’s birthday is on Halloween. We’re having a party that day. You can stay the night before and that night.” Gerard said. 

“But what if they follow me to your place?”

“I don’t care, Grey. You’ll be safer there.”

They hugged him tight. “Thank you, G.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehe im sorry 4 not updatin in foreva...been busy school social stuff family my mom bein a bitch n takin away my internet...ANYWAY i luv luv luv you guyz and i hope u enjoy this lil chapter about grey!! i really luv writing abt them and like being nb and stressed i be like *self projecting noisez* also my stepmom has rheumatic disease and thats what greys mom has so like :baldsuke: and yea its true if you took any dose of fentanyl without taking all four of the lower strength narcotic you would literally die and i dont mean that metaphorically i mean LITERALLY literally anyway im rambling have a great night


	9. tuesday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank and Gerard converse before a stressful event.

Frank was nervous out of his skin. It was 6AM, and he woke up like his natural clock did every day for Gerard. 

It was Tuesday. 

Frank knew this was coming for a while now, but for some reason he didn't expect it to ever happen. He didn’t...want to talk about it. He didn’t want more pity. God, he hated the pity.

He knew Gerard didn’t pity him, but sometimes he felt like it. He knew Gerard just wanted to help him, which is WAY different than pity. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if he felt bad for himself or felt bad about himself. He still had an immense amount of guilt on his shoulders all the time. 

Maybe this’ll help, he thought. Hopefully this’ll help. 

Gerard had taken a sick day to come and support him, so he hadn’t set his alarm, since the appointment was at nine. Frank was the only one awake. 

It was getting lighter and lighter outside. Daylight savings was soon, but he didn’t know when. It wasn’t important. 

He dug for a shirt and found a long sleeved undershirt in his dresser. He searched for a short sleeved shirt in his closet and found a shirt that said something about Ohio on it, but it was faded. He’d never been to Ohio. 

He observed his lover on the bed, peacefully asleep. He smiled a little bit. He loved being in love, and he loved being in love with such a beautiful, caring, wonderful person. He was so lucky to have Gerard, and Gerard still drove him crazy even after eleven years. 

Eleven years. That was so weird to think about.

After putting on his jeans, he crawled back into the bed and snuggled into him. Gerard woke up, still sleepy, and rolled over. 

He breathed in for a moment while a smile crawled on his face. His tired hands made their way to the sides of Frank’s face and he said one word, “Baby.”

Frank laughed a little bit. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Frank admired every part of Gerard’s face. “You know, I’ll never get tired of saying that.”

“Me neither.”

“Isn’t it crazy that we’ve been together eleven and…and almost a half years? In a couple years our relationship would be old enough to be considered a teenager.”

“Yeah, heh.” Gerard looked to the corner. “Would you ever want to have kids?”

“That’s an interesting question. I think- I think it would be good.”

“I think so too.”

Gerard pressed a kiss to the tip of Frank’s nose and they laid together for a little while. Gerard knew when it was time to get up, even though neither of them wanted to. 

Gerard got dressed and Frank sat behind him on the little stool while he applied his makeup. Today everything was purple. He put some dark purple eyeliner around his eyes and applied some purple eyeshadow. 

“Oh, you don’t want to commit to the femininity of pink?” 

Gerard smiled at that. “How do I look?”

Frank cocked his head, examining Gerard’s face in the mirror. “Hot.”

When they headed out of the door, Frank squeezed Gerard’s hand tight. Gerard forgot Frank was nervous, hell, Frank forgot Frank was nervous. 

They boarded the subway, and shared a pair of earbuds between them. Frank rested his head on G’s shoulder. He really, really hoped for the best today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO i updated r u proud of me? r u proud of me im proud of me aaaaahhh!!!!!   
> i started another story called "pure fury" so if u wanna go check that out and leave a comment mayhaps that would be epic...  
> im sorry for not updating in 3 months ive been so busy with school there is so much work its crazy. also i havent been doing the best mentally so theres that.   
> idk when ill update next but ill try to make it fast. itll probably be this weekend actually but im not makin any promises.  
> i love you. leave a comment they all make my day <3


	10. lungs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard only smokes when Frank pisses him off.

They walked into the building. It was a big building. Too big.

Frank was getting more and more nervous by the second. It was good that Gerard knew where to go. The office was on the fourth floor.

Frank looked at the little placard on the wall by the door. There were two names, but the second one, Ashley Caesar, was who he was seeing. 

The waiting room of the little office was cute. They were playing a classic rock station and the whole place was a dim yellow. There was a painting on the wall that looked like a street, but the image wasn’t exactly comprehensible. 

They sat down on the couch in the waiting room, and Frank was practically sitting on Gerard’s lap. He tapped his fingers on the couch, tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Gerard reached over and grabbed Frank’s tapping hand. 

“Hey. You’ll be okay. I promise.”

A door opened and there was a nice looking lady, short and chubby with long black hair and glasses, standing in the doorway. “Are you Frank?”

“I am.”

“Come inside, dear.”

Frank and Gerard were sitting on a different couch in Ashley’s office, and Ashley was sitting on an office chair by a desk.

“It’s nice to see you again, Gerard! I’m glad I get to meet Frank finally. Maybe not in this circumstance, though.”

Frank huddled into his hoodie. “You guys talked about me?”

“Well, of course, baby. You kept me alive, after all.”

“I did?”

“I was twenty two, I was an alcoholic in college and I hit rock bottom. I was ready to kill myself but I stayed alive because I knew it would hurt you tremendously. I couldn’t imagine not growing old with you, and I’m so glad I made it through that.” 

Frank was flabbergasted. Gerard had never told him this. 

“I never told you this...because I was ashamed. I didn’t want you to worry about me like that.”

Frank felt all these emotions muddled together. He knew he felt a little- a little angry, to be honest. He opened his mouth and didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. 

Something finally came out of his mouth. “You...you kept this a secret for SIX years?”

“I mean-”

“You’re allowed to worry about me, but- but I’m not allowed to worry about you? We’re not…” he ran his fingers through his hair furiously, a habit of his whenever he was angry. “We’re not supposed to keep secrets like that! You can’t just keep me from knowing this, which, by the way, is a BIG DEAL, and you can’t just bring it up randomly and expect a calm reaction!”

Gerard was getting angry too. “I let you feel guilty every single day, but I’m not allowed to feel ashamed?”

“I never said you couldn’t feel ashamed! You know I never shame you for anything. I wouldn’t think less of you, I would help you!”

“Maybe I wanted to deal with it alone!”

“Yeah, and- and you did that! You dealt with it alone, but SIX YEARS?”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do, bring it up at dinner? ‘Hey, Frank, did you know I was suicidal back in 2013?’”

“I don’t know what you’re supposed to do, but not wait six years and bring it up then!”

“Would you rather me have waited?”

“You know that’s not what I fucking mean.”

“Well then I don’t know what you mean. I don’t know what the FUCK’S going on!”

He stormed out of the room.

Frank watched the empty doorway and trembled. He felt tears coming on. He sat down on the couch in Ashley’s office and cried. 

Ashley rolled over to him. “I know that Gerard loves you beyond words. He won’t be mad for long.”

Frank sniffed. “Well I’m- I’m fucking mad!”

“I know you are. I know. Listen.” she was shuffling through her paper. She made a note and marked something. “You go work it out with Gerard. I’ll see you next Monday at 5pm.”

“Thank you, Ashley.” 

He took the elevator down and walked outside. He saw Gerard sitting on the curb, lighting a cigarette. Frank didn’t know where he got it, but he always smoked when they had a fight. That wasn’t often, but eleven years is more than a pack. 

“Don’t do that.” Frank said. “I worry about your lungs.”

“I only do it when you piss me off. Which is basically never.”

There was a silence, until Gerard broke it. His voice sounded small. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for starting shit back there.”

“No, I deserved it.”

“Would you be mad if I agreed?”

Gerard laughed. He turned around to face Frank and made grabby hands at him. Frank sat down in front of him, and Gerard put his legs around Frank’s waist and his arms around his chest. He nestled his head into Frank’s chest. 

“I love you.” Gerard whispered. 

“I love you too.” Frank responded. 

“Let’s never do that again.”

“You say that every time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought this would make their relationship seem more realistic. also i got a lot of ideas goin thru my head so the next chapter may or may not be a big one idk time will tell  
> love you all <3 hava nice day


	11. out of the blue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard asks Frank something way out of the blue.

Frank was at the kitchen stove frying hashbrowns, even though it was almost seven in the evening. Hashbrowns reminded him of comfort, of when he was a kid and his mom used to make them on Saturday mornings before he and his friends would go out to play. 

He found himself getting more and more comfortable thinking and talking about his mom. It was painful sometimes, yes, and at times he still felt guilty, but the pain was less intense and more bittersweet. He was starting to increasingly accept the fact that she was gone; he was slowly but surely starting to realize it wasn’t his fault. 

He was still depressed, though, but now he wasn’t sure if it was the grief or the lack of human interaction. He needed to talk to Gerard about something.

Gerard was sitting on the little loveseat in their living room, legs outstretched, watching some sort of science fiction movie on the TV. Frank watched his face change expressions slightly as the movie went on. 

Frank scooped the hashbrowns onto two plates and brought them over to where Gerard was sitting. Gerard brought his legs closer to himself and when Frank sat down, he put them over his lap. Frank handed him a plate and a fork and they started eating. 

Frank put his fork down. “How would you feel if I went back to work?”

Gerard swallowed his bite of hashbrown. “I don’t know. Are you ready?”

“I think so. I think the reason I’m so depressed is because I haven’t really had much social interaction. I had more interaction with people today than I have in like, a month. And I only talked to two people.”

“I think you should do it, then. I’m glad you have that attitude about things.”

Gerard looked to the side for a moment. “I’m going to ask you something way out of the blue, and it’s okay if you don’t want to or need time to think, it would be a very big step.”

This piqued Frank’s interest. “Okay?”

“How would you feel about adopting a kid?”

Gerard was right. This was out of the blue. 

“Well, we would need a bigger place, probably. Just- what brought this on?”

They continued talking about it, and Gerard finally admitted that he wanted to adopt one of his students. He wanted to adopt Grey Allen. 

Frank was reluctant, as he didn’t really know how he felt about adopting a seventeen year old, but Gerard made a good point.

“If we give Grey a good home for the time being, when they’re ready to move out, they’ll always have something to fall back on, somewhere to go if something turns wrong. They’ll have somewhere to go for the holidays and they’ll have an actual stable home for the first time in their life. They’ll have a family.”

Frank thought on it for a moment. “I’d like to meet Grey first, though.”

They figured if Frank went to work the next day, he could stop by Grey’s house- their situation could definitely be considered neglect- and he and Grey could talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me if you want me to continue this!


End file.
